How to Break Up with a Friend

Over my 15-year career as a therapist, a question that I am often asked by clients is: How do I tell my friend that I no longer want to be friends. This is a difficult question that is usually within the context of feeling hurt, sad, stressed and fearful as typically it is a decision that has been considering for a while. Here are some reasons that you may want to consider ending a friendship.

1. A Pattern of Betrayal and Disappointment

Often within friendship there are subtle to not so subtle signs of competitiveness, envy even jealously. These unspoken energies are often overlooked or rationalized away as a means to remain friends, however there are some situations that should not be overlooked.

-Continual betrayal of trust

-breaking promises

-sharing your personal information with other when you've requested them not to

- violating boundaries

-any form of abuse

2. Growing Apart

In friendships it is normal to grow apart. There can be new shifts in worldview, interests and values. For example, the person that you befriended over 10 years ago around a shared love of knitting may not be the same interest you have today as perhaps knitting is no longer a hobby. Other signs of growing apart can be more disputes, not feeling aligned and boredom.

Here are some examples of how to verbalize your intentions to end the friendship:

1. "I have valued our friendship over the years, however due to these recent situations of conflict/betrayal/violating my boundaries - I have been feeling stressed and hurt. After a lot of consideration, I have decided to end our friendship."

   
   

2. "I know we initially connected around our shared love of knitting and crochet. I have not been interested in these hobbies for a while now and I don't feel that we connect on other things. I have enjoyed our time together over these years; however, I would like to end our friendship since we don't have much in common.

   
   

3. "I see that we have grown apart over the years and while I have valued our

   memories together, I think that it is best to end the friendship now while we are in a positive space."

These aforementioned examples can be associated with an array of emotions such as: fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, ambiguity and doubt. It is normal to have multiple feelings - even conflicting feelings about ending a friendship. It is advisable to work with a therapist to support your emotional health as you adjust to the transition and changes in life after ending a friendship. If you would like to consult with me and work together in therapy, please feel free to email at halimah@gandrcounseling.com.